Don't Run A Race You Can't Win
by RabidOtaku
Summary: Motoko's study of kendo has forshadowed her feelings. Now they start to come back, and the result is not what she would expect...
1. Chapter 1

Motoko's Feeling 

"What's this that I am feeling within me? It's a sinking feeling that I have once in awhile, and its never happened to me before Keitaro came along. This feeling…it is unfamiliar to me. And its been disturbing me in my studies and meditation ever since."

Motoko gazed out at Keitaro and Naru out on the lake.

"In fact, I believe it is whenever I see him around I get this feeling. What is it that I see that makes my insides twirl? I think…if these feelings continue, I might have to-"

"Hello Motoko. Nice fuku you are wearing. Did the girls give you that?"

"…Oh, hi, Haruka. I was just gazing at the cherry blossoms."

Haruka sat down next to Motoko in the grass. "Yes, they are. But for being in Kyoto in the spring, you sure seem a little down. What's up?"

"Haruka?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever gotten a feeling you can't describe? One that, you know is there…when it shouldn't be?"

"…I'm sorry, Motoko, I'm afraid I've never felt that way before."

"Ever since Keitaro came, I've had a stirring feeling in my stomach. I cannot figure out what it is. But I do know that Keitaro is the one causing it."

"Hmm…Motoko, you are a special girl. Not special for your personality, or you skills in kendo. But special for the fact that in all this time of your life, you have been studying, you have missed out on some of life's greatest feelings. But now that you have been expelled from God's Cry and disowned by your sister, those feelings have just started to find their place in yourself. You haven't let them come to you before, and now they have their chance.

"Motoko, these feelings aren't abnormal. They are supposed to be there. And if you let them, they will bring you joy."

"Motoko!" Su called as she ran down into the grass with her spring kimono on. She jumped onto Motoko's back.

"Not so much, Su!"

"Let's go get something to eat," Haruka suggested. Both girls nodded in agreement.

Author's Note: I'm just starting out for this fic. I've got some stuff planned for it that will make it more interesting if you think I should continue. So, should I? I've got my characters from the 9th manga, if you were wondering…


	2. Chapter 2

Time In the Funhouse

            "Su? Where'd you get all of that?" Shinobu asked as Su came into Hinata House with arms full of souvenirs, and then shutting the door behind her. "I know you've got 'connections' in Kyoto, but this is ridiculous." She sighed. "Your closet is still full from last year."

            Everyone sat down to eat for the evening.

"This is good, Keitaro," complemented Kitsune. "Now where's the sake?"

"Kitsune, you need to get off that alcohol addiction of yours."

"Now Naru, you know as well as I do that a stunt like that is not possible. I should just live life to the fullest and not worry about a little drinking problem."

"The sake is burning a hole through your bank account…"

Motoko did not speak throughout the dinner. No one was particularly surprised at this, as she usually stays out of the conversations, anyway.

"Does anyone want to go downtown tomorrow night?" Sarah asked vaguely.

"For what?" Keitaro questioned.

"There's supposedly going to be a fair down there. They gots lots to do and stuff, plus food."

"Did someone say food?" Su said, her head popping up from her meal.

Keitaro opened his wallet and peered inside, then shut it with a sigh. "I'd take you, Sarah, but it seems Kyoto burned a hole through my wallet as sake does with Kitsune's bank account. I'm broke."

"I'll take you," Haruka suggested. Everyone peered up from his or her food. "Hey, I think we should all go. I think some of us need a little extra vacation time after Kyoto." 

"You mean it, Aunt Haruka?"

"Sure." Haruka winced at Motoko, who, although unwilling to admit it, gave a slight smile before returning to her plate.

*   *   *

Keitaro walked up to the carnival with Su hanging onto his back, with the others following behind.

"Wow, this sure is big for a carnival," Naru murmured to herself. "Everyone within fifteen miles is here."

"Oooo, chocolate covered bananas!" Su said as she jumped off of Keitaro's shoulders and ran to the nearest food stand.

"Su, wait up!" Shinobu called off, running after Su, with Sarah following close behind.

"Well, there they go," Haruka said to the others, discarding her cigarette.

"Well, they've got everything here, so…" Kitsune started. "…They gotta have something to do. Later," she said, walking off.

"So where to first?" asked Naru.

"I've always been a fan of houses of mirrors," Haruka suggested. "Let's go, Naru," she said, pulling Naru in through the entrance of the funhouse.

"Well, I guess its just you and me, Motoko," Keitaro observed.

"Just don't try anything, Urashima."

"Why such a rush?" Naru asked, following Haruka through the house.

"I just wanted to give Keitaro and Motoko some time alone. It'll do them good, seeing how they fight all the time."

"Motoko will kill him."

Motoko and Keitaro walked through the funhouse silently, the maniacal laughter of the place ringing through their ears. Keitaro broke the silence as he chuckled at a mirror next to Motoko.

"What are you laughing at?" she questioned. Motoko peered to her right and saw herself dressed in her kendo garb like usual, yet unusually shorter. She tapped on the handle of her blade and Keitaro quickly hushed himself.

The pair walked a little further throughout the funhouse, remaining silent enough to hear the _tap_ of their footsteps on the metal floor.

"Motoko?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever really, seriously considering…ya know, trying to act like a woman?"

"What?"

"Because I've been thinking. If you could just concentrate and forget your kendo studies for a few moments, you really can become a half-decent girl."

"How dare you disrespect my duties!" Motoko said, withdrawing her blade halfway.

"I'm sorry, Motoko! I didn't mean to! It was just an honest question!" Keitaro explained, shielding himself.

Motoko, remembering what Haruka had said in Kyoto, sheathed her blade again. "Apology accepted."

"Huh?"

"Just consider yourself lucky, Urashima. This may be the last time you get to make a remark like that and get away without feeling my blade. Now let's hurry, the exit's close.

The two Hinata residents emerged from the funhouse, with everyone waiting for them. Su was balancing five chocolate covered bananas in her hands. Naru looked surprised to see Keitaro come out in one piece.

"Have fun, you two?" she asked when they came into view.

"Yeah, sure," Keitaro answered with a nervous smile. "Let's move on."

Author's Note: Um, as you can see, my chapters usually aren't very long. I'm kinda working on that aspect of my writing. I hope ya'll like chapter 2 ^_^


	3. Chapter 3

On the Balcony

            The next day, Haruka awoke to the sliver of sunlight shining upon her room in the early morning. She heard the cries of Motoko up on the balcony. She sat up in her bed, and let her eyes adjust, before looking at the digital clock next to her bed. It read 7:00 AM. 

"Damn, Motoko, you must really have respect for your kendo studies if you make yourself get up even after a late night. I envy you. But you really should get some sleep," she said to herself with a yawn.

Haruka crept slowly out of her bed, got dressed, and made her way up to the balcony.

Motoko sliced her blade through the air with precision and grace. "Perfect," she murmured to herself, wiping the sweat from her forehead with the collar of her kendo garb. 

The sound of footsteps came from the steps leading up to the balcony. Motoko turned sharply toward the source of the sound. There stood Haruka in her nightgown with her fuzzy slippers on her feet. 

"Oh, it's just you," Motoko observed.

"You were expecting someone else?"

"Oh…no."

"You're up early, after being up 'till one."

"Meh."

It was still early spring, and the air was still chilly. "It's cold up here. I don't know how you can stand it," commented Haruka, shivering. She leaned up against the railing of the balcony and lit up a cigarette.

The two sat in silence for a few minutes. "Is there a particular reason that you came up here?" Motoko said finally.

"I thought you would never ask. I was just wondering what happened between you and Keitaro yesterday."

"Wait a second. I wanna know what you were doing setting us up like that!"

"Oh, right. It was just a little experiment of mine, that's all. And the results seemed positive."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that Keitaro came out of the funhouse unscratched. The 'feelings' of yours seem to be for Keitaro, ne?"

"Well, my 'feelings' say no."

"Hm?"

"Last night, while we were in the 'funhouse', as you might call it, I felt absolutely nothing."

Haruka took a puff on her cigarette. "Well, that seems odd. It completely contradicts what you told me the other day. Maybe I just misunderstood you…"

"No, Haruka, you understood me perfectly." Motoko brushed the hair out from in front of her face. "This makes absolutely no sense." She ran down the steps to the balcony back to Hinata House, withdrawing her blade along the way.

"Keitaro, prepare yourself," Haruka said, following Motoko back to ground level.

Hinata House was just beginning to stir. Keitaro and Naru were already up, studying hard for their exams.

"…and that is how you do it," said Naru, finishing up an explanation of how to do yet another one of Keitaro's high school-level math problems.

"Thanks, Naru. I don't know what I would do without you."

"Ya know, you're gonna have to remember this stuff if you want to pass your exams, because I won't be by your side, then."

"Urashima!" Motoko called out, running through the halls of Hinata. "He has been complicating my life ever since he came to Hinata House, and I just can't take it anymore. I hate him, and this 'feeling' he is causing. I want Keitaro out of my life!"

The door to Keitaro's room flew open, revealing an enraged Motoko, gripping her blade tightly. There, she saw Naru and Keitaro studying peacefully under the kotatsu.

"What's up, Motoko?" asked Naru.

Motoko just stood in the doorway, holding her stomach with anxiety. "Why has…the 'feeling' come back, and it wasn't last night?"

"What's that, Motoko?"

The kendo girl dashed off back down the hall.

"What's up with her?" Keitaro asked. "Oh well, let's just get back to studying, Motoko can take care of herself."

"I suppose you're right."

Motoko fell to the feet of Haruka, crying.

Haruka sighed. "This may be more complicated than I thought."


	4. Chapter 4

A New Feeling

            A week passed. Motoko never spoke of the incident to Haruka, or any of the Hinata residents for that matter. She had not spoken to anyone at all, actually. The 'feeling' had been gone since the incident, perhaps because of this. Her kendo studies had been put on hold. Motoko was sleeping in until late morning. She was in a state of depression. Haruka had dismissed the issue until Motoko could calm down a little.

Evening set in on the day of the twenty-fifth. Although that morning was cold, the setting sky let in a warm wind.

"The sky is beautiful," Shinobu observed, looking out the window at the orange sky.

"We should have a cookout!" Su suggested, jumping around the house in her usual hyper self.

"Yes, I think we should," Keitaro agreed. "It's nice and warm. We could sit around a bonfire and everything."

"Then it's agreed. I'll do the cooking!" Shinobu volunteered.

Motoko sat in her room, fiddling around with her desk ornaments. There was knock on the door.

"Yes?" Motoko called out.

"It's Naru, can I come in?"

"Sure," Motoko invited, sitting down on her bed.

Naru entered the room, leaving Tama-chan outside, and closed the door behind her. "We're going to have a cookout in a couple minutes. You gonna come?"

Motoko hesitated in her response. "I think I'll pass," she said finally.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Naru stood there for a few seconds, before sitting down next to Motoko. "What's been wrong with you these past couple days, huh? You've been avoiding everyone since a week ago."

"I've been trying to figure that one out, too."

"What do you mean?" 

"It's…nothing, Naru." 

Naru took a hold of Motoko's hand. "Listen. Everyone's been worried about you, lately. It's not like you to stay to yourself for that long. I mean, you usually keep to yourself and all, but now, it's more than usual."

Motoko stayed silent.

"Well, will you just come out tonight, just so everyone knows that you're okay?"

"…I'll see you guys outside. Just let me get ready, okay?"

Naru smiled, and stood up. "Don't take too long," she said, walking out the door.

Motoko held up the hand that Naru had taken a hold of. "What is _this_ feeling now? It's not like the one Keitaro makes. It's different. It's…warm. Wait, I think I've felt this one before. Whenever Naru and I have been alone. What _is_ it though? I feel like…like I want more." 

Motoko stood up and hit her fist to the wall. "And then again, I don't want the feeling. I don't want any feeling. I want to be the way I was back then – without feeling. Without the feelings, I could go through life so much easier, without anything to worry about. When will that time come back again? Well, I guess the others are waiting for me. I must let this go for now." 

Motoko made her way to her cracked door. It flew open, revealing Haruka standing there, leaning up against the wall. "You coming?"

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Ever since Naru left. It seems I have more things to ponder on, ne?"

"Let's just go outside."

"Agreed. Let's…"

Motoko and Haruka then made their way outside to join the others around the bonfire.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: Around the Bonfire

            Haruka sat outside around the campfire, sipping her coffee and staring into the flames of the bonfire, thinking deeply.

            "Hey, Haruka," called Naru. The woman looked up from her thought. "Be sure to put out the fire when you leave, okay? The bucket of water is sitting right there."

            "Okay, I'll only be a few more minutes. Goodnight then."

            "See you in the morning." Naru strided off into the house to join everyone else.

            Haruka sighed. "This is getting way too confusing. Motoko is more complicated then I have ever though her to be, but I'll probably blame myself for that. She's been keeping everything bundled up inside of her for all this time. Or I don't know exactly how long. Since she met Naru? Or since she met Keitaro? Maybe even she can't answer that question."

            She took a sip of her coffee. "Let's see here. Motoko gets this sick feeling in her stomach, as she describes it, when she's around Keitaro. But earlier this evening, she was just with Naru, and she got a warm feeling in her stomach, not like the other, and she felt good? This does not make sense."

            Haruka sat in though for many moments, thinking of all the times of when Motoko was with Keitaro. "Every time, Motoko beat Keitaro to the ground, _except_ for at the fairgrounds…but why? Why does Motoko keep doing this? Maybe she's been holding it inside so long she had forgotten? Motoko can't even understand her own feelings…

"But wait. If I remember correctly, all the times Motoko was with Keitaro – in Kyoto, while he was studying – he's been with Naru. Of course, except for at the fairgrounds. She was with Keitaro completely alone then, and she didn't feel a thing. Could this sickening feeling be…be…jealousy?"

Haruka put the coffee to her lips once more. "Motoko is jealous of Naru…I see now…but, what was the warm feeling she has when she was alone with Naru?"

Haruka finished off her coffee. "I think…I have just figured it out, and my brain is about to explode. That's enough for tonight."

Haruka threw the water from the bucket over the now weak flames, extinguishing their flames for now. But tomorrow, she plans to ingnite them once again.

Author's Note – I am sooooooo sorry about the lack of updates over the past month. But school had just started shortly after the last update and I knew that this story was going to take a backseat to everything. I'll try to update more often, but, to tell you the truth, I just haven't been bored enough to write ^_^


End file.
